So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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