So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
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