Sry I called you an 8
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Sorry my hands just texted you
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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