why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
