She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Randomize
