so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
