K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
my liver is dry heaving
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
