i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
