a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
