I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
