The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
