i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
