So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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