you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
