turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
