i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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