I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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