There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
