It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
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My thoughts exactly.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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