We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
God I need to hump something, right now.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
