sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
If I die, sorry about rent.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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