What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
