I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
So squirting runs in the family.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
