y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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