So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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