there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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