Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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