I'm gonna have a badass scar
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
