I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
