Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
