An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
