At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
