If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
