So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
