my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
