The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
