My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
