Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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