Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
