please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
