ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
