I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
