We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
