She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
