I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
