so that wasnt chicken after all
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
