opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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