New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
