I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
