Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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